Now that it’s been eight months, I’ve told most of my friends that I’ve quit drinking. Almost everybody has responded in one of two ways. The following is the most popular response.

Clean: I’ve quit drinking.

Friend: What about everything else?

This means, “You’re still doing drugs, right?” At first I thought the prevalence of this response was hilarious, like, keep the dream alive! Then it got tiring, because it meant people were really missing the big picture, and I’d have to go into detail. While I wouldn’t say I’ve officially quit doing all drugs, I know doing drugs will make me want to drink so I’m not doing drugs. Drugs were always a side project for me anyway. Some people might find that hard to believe, but it's true.

The second most popular response is this.

Clean: I’ve quit drinking.

Friend: What happened?

I always say, “Nothing.” Of course, the truth is that hundreds of things happened that would cause most people to run screaming from alcohol for the rest of their lives. Me, I just got back on that horse and rode.

There is one response I have not gotten, but I would like to get.

Clean: I’ve quit drinking.

Friend: Why?

It seems nobody really needs it spelled out for them.

If someone does ask me why, I’ve got my answer all planned. I’ll look my bewildered friend in the eye, and say, “Well, I doubt you ever noticed, because I hid it really well, but I used to sometimes drink a little too much.” Then we'll laugh our asses off.

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