Believe it or not, as I continue not drinking, I think my overall level of discipline is dropping. Other aspects of my life that require discipline are getting shaky. Maybe I have a constant level of discipline to work with and not drinking is using it all up.

The biggest problem is food. I lost 40 pounds last year and have kept it off with a lot of exercise and a moderate amount of food discipline. I don�t keep a strict diet but I try to watch what I eat. I don�t normally, for example, sit down with a bag of cookies, a bag of �hulless popcorn� (i.e. lard balls), and a package of gummy Lifesavers (mixed berry) and eat it all in an hour. I did that Monday.

Even worse, this was not a solitary incident. I�ve gained a few pounds. I know gaining back the weight I lost would make me miserable. Most of the time I was overweight, like most of the time I was drinking, I was oblivious to it and not particularly bothered by it. But now I have the knowledge. It is very much a Garden of Eden scenario. I was fat, drunk, and happy living in the garden. Then I ate of the SmartFruit and now I�m out in the desert -- thin, sober, and whiny.

The food free-for-all is being encouraged by a voice in my head that says �At least you�re not drinking!� It also says �You need SOMETHING. You can�t say no to EVERYTHING.� News flash from myself to me: food and booze are not everything.

So I need a new treat. I agree with the narrator of Iris Murdoch�s novel "The Sea, The Sea." He says, �One of the secrets of a happy life is continuous small treats, and if some of these can be inexpensive and quickly procured so much the better.� He�s talking about cheap wine, but I still agree. It�s all about the treats.

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