There have been lots of magazine and newspaper articles lately about how drinking is so good for you now. I tried to avoid them for a while, but then I broke down and read one that ran in The New York Times on December 31, 2002. It contained the following little gem, which has been bouncing around in my head for the past two weeks.

"In a study of more than 80,000 American women, those who drank moderately had only half the heart attack risk of those who did not drink at all, even if they were slim, did not smoke and exercised daily. Moderate drinking was about as good for the heart as an hour of exercise a day. Not drinking at all was as bad for the heart as morbid obesity."

What the hell? Let�s hear it again, please.

"Not drinking at all was as bad for the heart as morbid obesity."

Now, I don�t think health information should be suppressed in people�s supposed best interests, as these alcohol studies allegedly were. At the same time, I don�t see how that particular little tidbit really helps anyone.

The truth is, I shouldn�t even be bothered by alcohol�s recent PR coup. Every article notes that any healthy benefits are erased once you�re drinking more than two drinks a day. They also note that 14 drinks on Friday night doesn�t count as two per day for the week. So, really, there�s no way I could take advantage of alcohol�s health benefits.

Sure, I still nurture the fantasy of someday becoming a �moderate� drinker. But, really now. While planning this entry, I thought over my old drinking habits. Starting with the first drink of the day or evening, I would continue drinking until there was nothing more to drink. Normally, I didn�t even consider moderating my intake. I would drink less if I was with my parents or people from work, but otherwise, why bother? I mean -- and here�s the key for me, I think -- what�s the point of drinking if you�re not going to get drunk? And that, right there, is why I�ll probably never enjoy the heart-healthy benefits of one to two drinks per day.

Morbid obesity, my ass.

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