I�m pretty certain I was happier before. I go back and forth on this issue, but tonight I�m feeling sure I was happier when I was drinking.

Yes, I was less self-aware. I was less of a sister, friend, daughter and employee. I was less functional. I was less healthy. But I may have been happier.

The sequel to the movie �The Matrix� is out and I�ve read some articles comparing it unfavorably to the original and analyzing the original�s great appeal. In particular, the articles say, the original movie addressed a universal human concern. Is what we think of as real actually an illusion? Is there some deeper level of real? And if the illusion is more pleasant and comfortable and safer than the real, why do we need to live in the real? What�s so bad about living in the matrix anyway?

It�s hard to say exactly. But one thing is clear, both in the movie and in (I think) our collective understanding of best practices in living. Once we become aware of the illusion, whether it�s imposed from within or externally, we are obligated to resist it. Even if resisting the illusion means living with less comfort, more difficulty or even less happiness. Maybe what I mean by happiness here is more like contentment.

I should mention that I did see �The Matrix� when it came out, but I was so fucked up I don�t remember any of it.

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