The other day I was at the gym lifting weights. I was in the middle of a set when a guy walked up and said something to me. I smiled and rolled my eyes to convey I was not in a position to chitty-chat. After he walked away, I thought about what he’d said and grew annoyed. He’d said, “Gee, you look so SERIOUS!” He said it half-jokingly, but half-accusingly, as if he and the others at the gym had gotten together and decided my seriousness was really bringing them down.

It took me about a day to figure out what exactly pissed me off so much about his comment. His problem wasn’t just that I looked serious, but that I was a woman and looked serious. I mean, he wouldn’t have gone up to a man in the weight room and commented on his seriousness. For a man, lifting weights IS serious. But as a woman, my being serious about my weight routine violated some social contract in his mind that said I was supposed to giggle and not know how to use the equipment and ask men like himself for assistance while bending over a lot in tight pants.

I’m sensitive to accusations of seriousness because they have dogged me since childhood. It’s because of the way my face hangs, I think. If I’m not concentrating on looking cheery, my face naturally goes the other way. This must have been particularly disarming when I was a child. Supermarket checkout ladies were forever telling me to smile because it wasn’t the end of the world.

I was serious about drinking, too. I tried to play it like I was a carefree party girl, but if it looked like the drinks were running out you’d see me get serious pretty fast.

I’m concerned that my inborn seriousness is now mixing with my new sobriety to create a killer cocktail of personality flaws. It’s hard not to feel like I’m a walking buzzkill. I’m even depressing strangers at the gym.

I’m serious. But that doesn’t mean that I’m humorless or joyless. I’d like to think it means that I can recognize what’s important and deal with it appropriately. And I still know how to have a good time. I watch that crazy home and garden channel.

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