Gosh, I had an awful week at work. I made several mistakes that were widely noted and caused lots of problems for other people. I�m concerned that my reputation is damaged, at least temporarily. I don�t know why I made the mistakes. I was telling my sister about it and I said, �I don�t know what happened. It�s not like I was hungover or something.� She said, �At least you can be thankful for that.� I thought: No, it just means I have no excuse.

I�ve written before that I suspect that some people, myself probably included, create their own problems to avoid facing those that are actually outside of their control. Substance abuse is a useful problem to create because you can link almost any type of personal deficiency back to it. All my previous work errors, my interpersonal cruelties and inattentions, my selfish avoidance of difficult family events--all that seems clearly linked to my drug and alcohol use. And more recently, I could blame my anxiety, impatience, and intolerance on having recently quit. But that�s no longer the case. So, the question becomes:

Now that I�m sober, why the hell am I not perfect?

It�s new and sad and frustrating to have no excuses for my defects. Nobody�s perfect, you say? Sorry, that doesn�t help. Because I used to be pretty damn perfect--I just had this little drinking problem.

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