I went to a Smart Recovery meeting yesterday, for the first time in months. I would go more often, I think, but the Saturday morning meeting conflicts with some of my volunteer work. The Wednesday evening meeting is so far away, and the Thursday meeting is all court-ordered drunk drivers. The meetings can be boring but I find myself reflecting back on them a lot during my everyday thinking, as in, �It�s just like so-and-so was saying�� Statistically, I think, people who attend meetings or some kind of group therapy are more successful in meeting their goals. Makes sense to me.

Usually I am one of the youngest people there, and sometimes the only or one of the few women. I feel that while some of the other participants enjoy my presence, a few resent me slightly or don�t take me or my drinking problem seriously. This used to piss me off a little, because I am as hardcore as anybody, right? Then I thought about it. I haven�t been trashing my body with alcohol for thirty years or more, I haven�t ruined my marriage, my career, or my kids� lives. If that pisses people off, well, I don�t want to join their club. That�s why I�m there (uh, at their club).

I decided to ride my bike to the meeting yesterday. I�d done it before, but not when it was so hot out. It�s a 45-minute ride with lots of hills, and by the time I got there, a little late, I was soaked with sweat. I mean, as I walked into the meeting (archetypical church basement) my shirt was wet through and sweat was actively rolling down and dripping off my face. I carried my bike helmet in, instead of putting it in my bag, to make sure people put two and two together and didn�t think I was having some sort of stroke.

Meetings usually begin with each person giving a brief synopsis of their week, going around the table. I thought of a joke I could make. It took a while for my turn to come, but I decided to go for it anyway. I said my name and added, �Since I�ve stopped drinking, I�ve been sweating all the time.�

Nobody laughed. Then I said, �Just kidding. I rode my bike here and I almost died in the heat.� Then some people laughed. Maybe half the people total laughed. That�s pretty good, I think.

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